


Fancies

by blacktail_chorus



Series: The Coin and the Cup [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Episode: s04e08 Lamia, Multi, Unrequited, season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2018-12-20 00:11:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11909139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blacktail_chorus/pseuds/blacktail_chorus
Summary: Gwen confronts Merlin about his secret in the aftermath of the Lamia.





	Fancies

"It's all right, you know," Gwen said warmly. She sat mending a tunic while Merlin frowned beside her at Arthur's grimy, dented armor.

Merlin picked up a cleaning cloth and set to work. "What's that?" he asked absently, rubbing hard at the hauberk.

"Your secret," Gwen replied. "It was... you were... it was easy to see, after the Lamia."

 _Don't stop scrubbing. Don't look up. Don't react!_ Merlin breathed in sharply through his nose. "What, er, ah, what _did_ you see?" he asked with a desperate nonchalance. He scrubbed his fingers straight over a sharp seam that grabbed with a pinch. "Ow!" He dropped cloth and armor with a clang and sucked hard at the injury.

"Alright?" Gwen asked. Merlin nodded, and as the sting faded he reflexively met her eyes.

"You and I were the only ones not affected by her." Gwen returned to the topic at hand. "And I realized later that her charms must not work on people who... who don't fancy women." She paused her mending and looked at Merlin plainly.

 _Oh_. "Oh," Merlin said. There was that secret, too--one he did his best not to dwell on. "Well really I... I fancy both. Women. And men," he explained, relaxing by inches. "Maybe men a little more?" He picked up the hauberk again.

Gwen nodded solemnly. "And are you... with anyone?" she pressed delicately. She bit her lip to hide an inquisitive grin.

Merlin shook his head, looking back down to his work.

"Because Daniel, in the stables, _he_ fancies men too and--"

Merlin couldn't help but smile at Gwen's earnest gesture. "No, Gwen. It's alright. I'm not really looking for anyone right now."

"I've always wondered why you never seemed to _socialize_ in that way." Gwen was not deterred. "It's not usual, but it's nothing to be ashamed of, you know."

"I'm not ashamed!" Now Merlin felt a bit defensive. "I just don't have the time! Gaius has me running all over Camelot, and when I'm not doing his errands I've got _Arthur_ with his _armor_ and his speeches and meals and knights' training and the man can't even _dress_ himself in the mornings, for goodness' sakes. Can you imagine asking a lover to... to compete with that?"

Gwen frowned. "You think Arthur would dismiss you if he knew?"

"No?" Merlin said, confused. The notion had never occurred to him.

"Then you think--oh!" Her gasp rattled in the tiny room. Her eyes flashed panic for a moment before she swallowed and swiftly resumed her mending. "Nevermind. Sorry. You're right, it's none of my business."

"No, what were you going to say?" Merlin had whiplash from Gwen's rapid-fire turns of conversation. He felt a niggle of annoyance rise in the place where his earlier fear had begun to subside. He knew she meant well, but...

"Really, it's nothing," she repeated.

"Gwen." Merlin sighed.

She looked up at him once more, her forehead creased in distress. "I don't think you want me to say," she explained.

"You're my friend, Gwen," Merlin said firmly. "You can say anything you like."

Gwen slouched for a moment, then picked herself back up again. She pursed her lips and gave Merlin a frank look: one last chance to back out. Then: "It's Arthur you fancy, isn't it? No one else can compete with _him_."

Merlin gaped like a fish. He felt heat rising to his cheeks. There was this secret, too--the reason he tried so hard to avoid thoughts of love at all.

"I... I understand," she said with a jagged little laugh. "Seeing as I feel the same way."

"He loves _you_ , Gwen," Merlin rushed to say. He abandoned the armor and moved towards her in supplication. "I would never--"

"I know, Merlin," she cut him off sadly. "I know, my friend."

She rose to meet Merlin where he stood. Her mending hung from one hand and she grasped Merlin's shoulder with the other. "Daniel is a very nice man," she said, composing her features once more. "You might enjoy his company more than you think." She squeezed his arm before turning slowly away. "I'm behind on the laundry," she said needlessly, already retreating.

"Ok," Merlin replied dumbly. He stood frozen and watched her go.

When he was alone, he cursed and kicked the heavy hauberk on the floor, reveling in the pain that burst in his foot.

If only she'd discovered his magic instead.


End file.
